#no more bird bad bat time for FISH

[valentronic]

concept design for a more “fishy” bad batter because I kept thinking about troquantary- plus a batter for comparison’s sake

[browniefox]

The (New) +Anima Au Guide!

A few months ago, I made a post about the basics of +anima, and now I realize it was kinda bad, so I'm making it again! So, here's a little guide to the basic world of +anima - mostly how anima work - in hopes to inspire people to create +anima aus!

What is +Anima?

+Anima is a ten-volume manga written by Natsumi Mukai. It is very good and cute, you should read it! It revolves around a world where certain people have something called an anima.

When a child is put into a life-threatening situation, there's a chance that they will get the abilities of a nearby animal - granting them wings like a bird, or tail of a fish, for example - in order to survive the situation. It's like if trauma gave you cat ears!

Nana, for instance, was running from her drunk and angry father in the woods at night, and got a bat anima. Natural anima only happen to children.

Getting an anima, or seeing someone with an anima, is rare enough that, even if people are aware of what anima are, those with bird or fish anima are often confused for angels or mermaids. Those with anima are usually treated poorly and feared as something dangerous and scary.

Those with anima are able to look like normal humans most of the time, accessing their anima and transforming back and forth at will. When appearing like a normal human, however, there is still proof of being an anima by way of a marking(s) somewhere on their body. The marking reflects the animal/trait that they have, the location usually correlates with there or how the trait shows up.

As an anima is connected to survival, children with them usually lose their anima as they grow older and find themselves in better situations. In the manga, most of the anima are either kids or teens. There are a few cases of adults with natural anima, two being seemingly homesless men (one seems to be a rat anima, while another is a bison), and a few who are of the Native American-Coded group in the manga, the Kim-un-Kur, who are known to keep their anima through adulthood seemingly because 1. it's less ostracized against, 2. their life style probably is better with one, and 3. they're more in tune with nature and their anima.

(^this is the the buffalo anima and a crow anima)

There is also such a thing as 'fake' or 'manufactured' anima, but only in a sense. There's a way to extract the anima from a person, though if the person is not willing the anima will not remain after the procedure. When willingly extracted, however, the anima can then placed into another person, though the connection between human and anima seems to be tenuous, and the anima may choose to leave.

Outside of a 'manufactored' anima, in canon there is one instance of an anima hopping from one human to another, though in that case the anima was that of a vicious and vengeful bear.

While in-fiction it's mostly hinted at and a little vague, it seems that the anima - as in the animal power itself - seems to have some degree of sentience, as it seems its the anima that makes makes the choice when to leave the human. It seems to be that the spirit of the animal literally ends up in the human that gains the anima.

Those with anima also seem to be able to do a further transformation into a more animal-like form called metamorphosis.

As you may have noticed me doing throughout the post, those with anima are usually just referred to as ‘anima’, though the animal spirit in the is also called their ‘anima’.

In the world of +Anima, there is also a side of the continent that has big market in anima slave trade, so make of that what you will.

Anyway, I find the world of +Anima FASCINATING, please talk to me about +Anima and make aus I love it.

(These are the four main characters of the manga! Cooro (crow), Husky (fish), Senri (bear), and Nana (bat).)

[ofc-vi-writes-too]

a continuation of things that i think happen in my favorite fucked up silly little city (gotham)

• In hosptials in Gotham there’s another wing dedicated to super villain attacks Like how theres the ED, NICU, L&D, ICU, etc., theres another branch called Excessive Villain Attack Department (for) Emergencies. Also known as EVADE for short. it’s a brag to say you work in EVADE for doctors/nurses because A. the pay is ridiculously good, and B. how much extra stuff you had to learn to work there. People who work in EVADE have to go through weekly psych evaluations as well as physical testing to make sure they are still fit for duty.

• there are EVADE pop ups all around gotham so it’s citizens ares never more than 5 minutes away from medical attention. You have to work at a pop up before you’re allowed to work in EVADE in a real hosptial. People say working the pop ups is a lot harder and a lot nore stressfull, because people can come to you in really any condition out there.

• Similar to how kids in some areas cant wear certain colors like red or blue to school because of gang affiliation, gothamite students cannot wear anything superhero, vigilante or villain adjacent. No birds, bats, clowns, etc. Its a way for schools to try and stop kids from being targetted by their peers/ crazy adults who will attack them for supporting a specific person or party. Hero or otherwise.

• A lot of mom and pop diners/townie bars have foods named after vigilantes and specialty drinks named after villains. Some examples are:

Red Hoods Hot Chicken and Mac: bufallo mac and chicken with house hot sauce, so hot and tasty it will bring tears to your eyes! (this is true. jason tried it and he literally couldn’t feel his face. He couldn’t tell if he was blinking or not. Dick swears up and down he wasn’t.)

Nightwings: boneless chicken wings with a honey barbecue dry rub, with bleu cheese dipping sauce and chips and a blue corn dip. Dick can and will order 4 and eat them all by himself in one sitting.

Robins Eggs Breakfast combo: 2 sunny side up eggs, strawberry french toast, vegetarian sausage, house salad and an OJ. They tried to make it vegan but no one in Gotham wants breakfast without eggs. Robin said he appreciates the thought anyway. He is very smug and protective of his meal and the restaurant that made it. When he has the day shft he stops by there for breakfast, which isn’t often but still.

Signal soup: a classic squash soup, house focaccia and a garden salad. Its a seasonal meal that comes around every fall, and sells out almost every day for the entire season.

The Scarecrow: literally a long island iced tea with black liqueur in a martini glass with 3 olives. It tastes fucking horrible but will get you beyond hammered

Poison Ivy: shot of pochteca lime liqueur and pink whitney. Very tasty.

Regulator: its a blue margarita with coconut milk in it. Its a little sweet but its yummy. It’s common to black out on these because you cant taste the alch and by the time it hits you its too late and its the next morning and your naked in a strangers bed. Darn those regulators for a night you wont remember! at least the guy is handsome…

• See also the Condiment King challenge: A pint size glass of equal parts ketchup, mustard, pickle relish, mayonnaise, hot sauce, soy sauce, honey mustard, sweet and sour, bbq, salsa, fish sauce, vinegar, ranch, and wasabi. Hell in a cup! If you can drink it within 10 minutes without throwing up, you eat free at the dinner for a month and you get a t shirt that says “I completed the Condiment King challenge at Jimbo’s Dinner!” With a poorly drawn picture of condiment king on it. There has only been one winner: Timothy Drake. Jason dared him to try it after he hadnt slept in 3 days. Tim didnt puke, but Jason did. There were threats of violence if Tim ever told anyone that. Tim didn’t believe him, told Dick and magically ended up with a broken finger. “No AlfredI have NOOOOOO idea how it happened! Must’ve had a bad fall on patrol :3”

• taxes in gotham are shit-your-pants-when-you-see-it-the-first-time high. Gotham has to be able to pay for all the damages somehow, despite Bruce Wayne paying for about 15% of those damages out of pocket, its still not enough to stop prices from skyrocketing. To try and combat this, there is a Gala held anually for the top 10% of Gotham to fundraise for emergency city repairs. It helps a lot but doesn’t solve the problem.

[ipatrichor]

dead boy detectives episode six thoughts

HEY. WHAT THE FUCK. normally i talk about things somewhat chronologically but i Cannot skip over this to come back to later. WHY THE FUCK DID EDWIN GET GOT?? motherfucker right when the night nurse was gonna let them stay together at least temporarily to sort it out 😭 girl get him out of there!!!!!

okay i'm taking deep breaths i'm good. it's fine im chill. im so calm and normal right now it's fine. alright time for the rest of the episode.

monty... i'm a little torn bc him getting stabbed and dismembered to be re-crowed by esther is fucked, but also (like i was afraid of!) he was an asshole about edwin not returning his feelings. so... oh well. still a shame and i feel a little bad for him, but significantly less than i would have otherwise. he's not even dead lol, he's just a bird again

the guy in the fish. kashi maybe?? i do not remember his name but he's so fun i love his vibe. i'd invite him to a party tbh, he seems like the kind of guy who's just pleasant to be around bc he's kind and just really does not stress. i love his interactions with the night nurse, he's so calm and a good contrast to her franticness 👍

SPEAKING OF THE NIGHT NURSE. i really like that she hesitated and ultimately decided not to separate them instead of digging in her heels and refusing to believe the system could make a mistake. it's the perfect culmination for her character, and tracks so well with what she believes- not in the system itself exactly, but that it exists for a reason. that the most important thing is to keep everything in order, and if the system is making mistakes that is not order!! especially with her interaction with the cool fish man getting her to pause and take a breath, i'm really happy with how her character is developing and being written she's so good

oh also!! I WAS FUCKING RIGHT IT FEELS SO GOOD HOLY SHIT. I WAS CORRECT!!! EDWIN REALLY IS IN LOVE WITH CHARLES!!!! girl that was foreshadowed and developed so well they mean So much to me!!!!! aaaahahahahaha i do not have words for how delighted this makes me but!!! know that it is so!!!!!

also wait i just realized this is so funny. edwin attempts to confess his gay love and almost immediately gets sent to hell. girl what is this supernatural?

anyway. i noticed that the bracelet broke, so hopefully when the cat king comes back they'll be able to interact on more even footing. (assuming. i mean. assuming edwin doesn't stay in hell 😭 i really hope they get him out... there are two episodes left so? exciting season finale rescue please? pretty please for me??)

speaking of which. did anyone else think it was hot when edwin, upon being faced with the cat king attempting to stop him from warning charles and crystal, went off on him and told him that the binding spell is all he is? bc that was hot! idk i just really enjoyed edwin snapping back at the cat king, who up til now has essentially held all the power in their interactions. it was immensely satisfying, bc yeah! if you were not literally magically holding him prisoner you would be nothing to him bitch!!! you need to cast a binding spell on a guy to get him to even notice you exist!!!

sorry haha i simply do not like the cat king. i enjoy his vibe and the cunt he gives off but he has fully and completely lost the battle for my respect with how he treats edwin, someone he's interested in who has rejected him. lol get disregarded idiot try a romance tactic other than weird power imbalances and coercion next time

is it just me or do these posts keep getting longer?? there is So Much this episode to talk about!! we got walrus guy backstory (fascinating!), crystal's demon ex putting her down and getting whacked with a magic cricket bat (satisfying! eat shit daniel), mushroom forest elemental extradimensional creature (scary as hell? but also it was hilarious crystal went 'hey u don't have to eat my friends u can just not' and the mushroom was like 'oh shit really? damn my bad bye' and that fucking Worked that's so funny i love it)

crystal... what do i say about crystal i love her!!!! holy shit. her losing her powers to bar her ex from her head, being afraid she's useless without them, and then reclaiming them by looking deeper within her and reconnecting with her heritage.... ough that's so good!!! i love that so much, and i love love love how far her and edwin's friendship has come. "i have come to value you" he's saying you're friends!! you're friends and he cares about you because you're friends, not because you have cool and helpful powers. motherfucker im gonna cry

and niko & jenny!! god that scene was so real. jenny's obviously bad with emotions, but it was really sweet of her to reassure niko as best she can. and yeah the librarian being murderous wasn't niko's fault, but also the situation only happened because niko went against jenny's express wishes to find her secret admirer and set up a date. so it's reasonable for jenny to not be ready to forgive her for that yet, bc that shit was absolutely traumatizing as hell and niko still played a part even if it wasn't fully her fault. but still, jenny puts that aside long enough to talk things out with niko, and i love both of them so much 😭

i thought i got this out at the start but NO. FREE MY BOY EDWIN HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!! let him out!!!!!!! give him back and i want him and charles to hug again!!!! and also more interactions with him and niko their friendship is very sweet!!!!! give him back to me please im devastated 😭😭😭

[crevicedwelling]

Hey! This might be a kind of stupid (or insensitive) question but I was wondering about mosquitos. I’m actually pretty chill with most insects but they bite, spread diseases and a whole host of other things. I know there are a lot of scientists working right now to reduce mosquito fertility rates which I’m broadly supportive of, but I’m not sure what the unintended consequences are. Like….. would we as a species be okay if mosquitos were eradicated?

it’s entirely a valid question, and a point I hear raised a lot. the answer depends on on how far-reaching your question was intended to be:

an important thing to understand is that there are over 3500 species of mosquito, and of those, only 88 are known to transmit diseases to humans, with about 200 more that potentially could become human disease vectors (Yee et al.) most mosquitoes drink nectar—both males and females—but females typically (but not in all species/forms) require a blood meal from mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, or even other arthropods and invertebrates.

if all mosquitoes were “eradicated,” there would undoubtedly be some very bad effects on the environment, although in the utmost selfish view I’m not fully sure how long they’d take to affect humans.

many plants are pollinated by small flies (like cacao! you can thank biting midges for all your chocolate) and certainly some only by mosquitoes. mosquito pollinated plants likely include many in tropical rainforests, where mutualisms between tiny, unusual species are very common, and oddly enough in the Arctic, where soggy summers create a whole lot of mosquitoes.

likewise mosquitoes are likely an important part of the diets of many bats, birds, spiders, dragonflies, other flies, and fish that might eat the larvae, among many others (including mosquitoes that eat other mosquitoes as larvae, like the beautiful Toxorhynchites). the negative effect on these animals in turn could affect their predators, or all the other ecosystem. if all mosquitoes disappeared, there would probably be significant upheaval across global environments, although I don’t know enough to say exactly what the end result would be. making all mosquitoes go extinct would be a very bad idea though, so it’s a good thing humans have no reason or capability to do that.

but people probably don’t have the 3,000 other mosquitoes in mind when they’re trying to control the flies, it’s that 88 to 300-ish bunch that bite humans and transmit diseases. first off, any genetic/sterility control method that targets non-native mosquitoes is most likely to have only good effects. non-native mosquitoes are reduced, people are bitten less. good on both counts. (it’s still possible certain things might be upset, such as if native species have adapted to use non-native mosquitoes, or if the non-native ones were outcompeting some even worse species. don’t know enough to say.) In many places, this is precisely what’s happening, with Aedes being sterilized, modified, or infected with bacteria that cause some reduction in offspring where it is invasive.

as for eradicating mosquitoes in their native range… it gets a bit tricky. I’m not enough of an ecologist or mosquito biologist to give a clear answer here. I also don’t know if there’s consideration of using control methods like you mentioned on species in their native range.

your question was about making mosquitoes go extinct, though, so I’ll focus on that.

would losing a few species of mosquito that are particularly dangerous to humans result in ecological upheaval? I don’t know. ecology is vastly complicated and when people make big decisions involving pests, we can often make problems way worse, like all the times a predator was introduced and started killing off things we didn’t think they would (this has happened with mosquito control, by the way). extinction only goes one way. I’d say in a hypothetical situation where I could just *poof* away an entire mosquito species, I probably wouldn’t do it. we just don’t know enough about the world yet to make decisions like that.

that’s not to say there aren’t ecologically and human-friendly ways to solve the issue of mosquito-borne disease—reduction of manmade breeding pools, careful biological control, targeted, safe pesticides—and maybe in some cases, sterilization or genetic control are part of the solution. but if it comes down to extinction or not, we’d better consider things very carefully before swatting at entire species without knowing what might happen after.

some of the links to the articles I used to research a bit for this post. read them if you'd like, they're fascinating!

[weirdcoren]

So I've been thinking about the Twisted Wonderland universe, and here is my interpretation of what like the race's magic abilities, Etc.

So when it comes down to races, we know that there are Faye, beastman, and merfolk, but like I would like to add to this.

So I think they have more than just beastmen because the beastman category doesn't generally don't fit the whole animal kingdom because there was a distinction with merfolk which are animals fish/Aquatic Life. so I'm thinking beastmen are mammals. So that would mean there are Reptile beastmen, and insect beastmen, Also insects don't necessarily fit into the insect class like spiders, Amphibian Beastman, and let's not forget about those Birds that aren't considered mammals. I have my little Theory and why the Beastmen Race compared to Merfolk are the same, just Aquatic Life versions of beastmen. Looks so different I also think that like other magical creatures, they don't fit in the Faye category and are their own thing

Show the names of the other races and what they would contain.

[ ] So I headcanon The reason why beastmen Have so few animal features Like the ears on top of their head If their animal has ears and a tail If their animal has a tail. I also think that their hair is similar to their animals so it would explain why Leona's hair isn't curly and more like a lion's mane. the reason why I think beastmen look more human is that they had the most interactions with humans and I know for a God damn fact there was probably some like civil rights movement Because the humans enslaved the beastmen race cuz ain't no way fucking Merfolk look Like an actual species and not some kind of hybrid between a human and animal and beastmen did not get the same treatment. (Especially because like if you saw The Little Mermaid Ariel Looks like a human and animal had a child that gone wrong and like their body didn't mix up right. Like if the human juices stayed up on top of the blender while the fish juices stayed down at the blender, none of that stuff was Blended at all. and it doesn't make sense why Ursula looks more non-human and I get that she's a villain but still then Ariel is the little princess of the fishes I would think she would look more like a fish.)

so I'm thinking Ariel is just a fluke And that all merfolk do look like Ursula and they do not look like Ariel, Cuz let the non-humans be non-humans. They can look humanoid but they Should not look like they are human; they are non-human features that were just put on as an afterthought. It looks like they were just slapped on there to make them non-human.

So I think beastman had more interactions with humans and probably had a war and they were enslaved because humans are humans (we're pretty bad creatures) And I'm guessing that a lot of buyers or breeders of said beastman made them look more human to the point where while yes they still have like their strength and animal ears and tail and my head Canon Claws and feet but they are generally more human looking than they've ever been and can never go back to what they used to be. So I would think that would explain why beastman looks so human compared to Merfolk.

so I would think their hands are clawed or animal-like, same with their feet. But that's just like a personal headCannon. For mammals like bats whose wings are on their arms I would think because humans specifically breed the animal out of beastmen, those Features would be like on their back or Wherever else it could be.

[ ] First, we have avians, basically bird beastmen, but I'm making the distinction that beastmen just are mammals and birds aren't mammals, or at least I think they're not the last time I checked. For their body structure, I would think that they would have the bird legs and their arms being wings, not human arms. I don't think they would have a bird beak, though. They would also probably have feathers around their face like Howl's Moving Castle guy. I would think avians just stayed away from humans or got hunted by humans, so the species is very rare and doesn't interact with many like beastmen or others outside their race. Now I do think some species of bird beastmen Or avians would have more humanoid traits like Dove Avians or parrot Avians not having the bird feet (Generally more the pretty birds Or smaller birds) but for the most part I think most bird Avians weren't particularly enslaved because of their wings and how cautious they were. they're also really friends with harpies because harpies used to hide them away from humans also I think harpies are Faye same with Sirens, so yeah and how you tell the difference between a harpy and an Avian is because avians don't have arms but they do have wings for arms. harpies have arms and wings on their back with bird feet, and they have more feathers than avians.

[ ] So now we have reptilians, which are reptile Beastmen. I think they're very similar to beastmen, but they're more animal-leaning than beastmen but not as animal-leaning as merfolk. Of course, some reptiles look more animal-like and look like merfolk. An example of this is snakes, Komodo dragons, and generally more dangerous reptiles. So how they would look different I would think snakes would have a serpent body instead of like how regular reptilians have normal legs except their feet are different. So their appearance is kind of similar to a Naga, which is different from a snake reptilian or beastmen. Think how you can tell a person is a reptilian with their eyes. I think certain reptilians didn't have much human interaction because of how violent or dangerous they were. Like snakes, a lot of humans fear snakes, so I wouldn't think they would want to enslave a snake. Beastmen most likely want to kill them but not enslave them. so I would think some reptilians are rare because of the Fear Factor and their Danger, but yeah.

[ ] Then there's amphibians which they're similar to reptiles and merfolk. like they're in between reptiles and merfolk, though some amphibian species generally look more like beastmen. So if they have ears, it's on top of their head. If they have a tail, they have a tail, and then their hands and feet look more animal-like depending on their species, same for amphibians. generally, they were not necessarily enslaved by humans. Certain species weren't. That's why they're in between reptiles and merfolk.

[ ] Insectoids or insects Beastmen yeah I'm guessing they're like merfolk generally didn't have many interactions with humans a lot of them were hunted though so insectoids are probably pretty rare generally they follow suit with merfolk because they're generally more insect looking and like they don't got human legs now some insects do take a more human form like butterflies so they look kind of like beastmen but very few other examples would be like bees maybe moths but that's all I could think of.

[ ] Arachnids which are spiders and those motherfuckers are rare but terrifying. They're very spider-like like the bottom half is just spider. they follow after a merfolk honestly some of them look more monstrous than a merfolk. those fuckers are also really vicious. They don't like humans either. a lot of humans have arachnophobia and don't like spiders a lot of humans who don't like things kill it arachnids don't like humans because of that very reason and because of that reason, they're very rare, Going on extinction…This also goes for any insect that doesn't fall under the insect category because they have too many legs they look similar to arachnids.

[ ] Faye so generally I think a lot of mythical creatures fall under the Faye category like selkies, harpies, Fairies, and Pixies, (Yes they are technically different from Faye They fall under the category but are their type of species Especially because I'm thinking that Faye is just what the species race is called. Like how cats are called felines, it's a group of species that fall under one name, but they're all different.) sirens, Vampires, werewolves, and others. (Also if anyone wants to fight me that vampires and werewolves are not Faye, werewolves, or werekin (Because I think that werewolves aren't just the only types of were's that are out there because if you've seen fan art for werecats and werehyenas and other species of animals just look it up. Y'all making me go on a tangent.) (But anyway, they're just shapeshifters that have a specific animal. in which they can transform throughout so they can go furry mode or beastmen mode or even full animal, but they have to stay in the lanes of their animal, and Lilia is a dark Fae. That is purely a vampire you cannot tell me vampires don't fall under the category of dark Fae. I will also go further into this defending it in my next post. Stay tuned.)

I might have missed some, but there are a lot of different kinds of Faye. There are also the elements that Faye falls under, which I'm thinking of the regular elements that are depicted in media with some subcategories. So, the regular elements that are depicted in the media are water, fire, earth, and air. I would like to add light and dark, which is typical fantasy stuff. And I'm pretty sure it's Canon because Lilia is specifically said to be a dark Fae, so if there's a dark Fae, there's got to be a light Fae. Now, subcategories, I would think like ice and lightning. there's probably some more, but I don't want to get into that. That's going to be a whole other post.

Now dragons do not fall under the Faye category, but some dragons are Faye, not all Fayes are dragons, and not all dragons are Faye. There's a specific type of dragon that is Faye, which is called and is a Faye dragon. So I think they have glamors and have all kinds of different forms and their original form is more or less humanoid so generally I don't think they look human per se it's just glamor they put on. unless they're a half Faye, but yeah, they're going to look human because they're half-human. Of course, if a fae is meant to interact with humans more than others or have interacted with humans more than others then they're probably going to look more human-like selkies but most Fae probably don't look human it's just a glamor. Some features do come out of the glamor that they wear, so I would say like their pointed ears, fangs, horns, talons, and other stuff.

[ ] Dragons or dragonoids my brothers in Christ either they're wearing a glamor or they look barely humanoid like they got a human face and maybe human-ish body but that's all you're going to get dragonoids. I think all types of monstrous, like some dragonoids, have a human body but a dragon face. Others don't. Dragonoids come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. but most of the time, I think they're like magical creatures, so I would think they would wear a glamor of some sort or have some kind of magic up to make them look human-ish.

I also think that the eyes give it away. most dragons probably have wings on their back but for certain dragons if their wings are their arms like wyverns or if they have no wings like Drake's there are going to be some differences I think Drake's dragonoids have the kind of Centaur build wear like their bottom half is like not a horse but like a drake dragon so yeah also there are multiple types of dragons and they come in all kinds of shapes colors and sizes look it up I've researched it there's many kinds of dragons and I think this follows with the race.

I will make a post at a later date going into the types of dragons. Now, I'm just going to provide you with a picture. And no, I'm not going into the elements, and we're not going into the color types of dragons because yes, the colors make a difference, and the elements they fall under make a difference. I don't want to go into it right now. This post is already too long. I will make another post going into detail, but not now. I'm just going to give you a simple picture of a family tree. it's not going to cover all the dragons, but it will work until I make a post about it.

[ ] All right next we have other just generally mystical creature kind of beings like unicorns Angels demons, chimeras, three-headed dogs An Exedra stuff that doesn't fit under like the beastmen category or the other categories I've said so far like they don't fit under faye or dragon.

I just think they're magical creatures, and I have not come up with a name for them. so I'm just going to call them magical creatures. Now I headcanon that Angels and Demons aren't necessarily like religious symbols in the Twisted Wonderland Universe like they're just like any other species because of the great seven Now I do not know if this is Canon but I've seen a lot of fanfiction just having the character say oh the great seven Like saying oh my God. I think that the Great Seven are some kind of symbol of worship but not necessarily Gods except Hades. he's different. He's canonically a god.

But anyway I don't think angels and Demon apply to the religious symbol that they're seen as in our world than the Twisted Wonderland world I'm just saying that they're just a race and not a symbol of God per se cuz I don't think like necessarily like the Christian, Other religions that see Angels and Demons as religious symbols are there because Hades canonically is a Greek god so and him being like real means like the other Greek gods are real In that universe.

So yeah, I don't think Angels and Demons per se would have the same religious belief as Christianity or Other religions, so I'm just going to say that they race like any other. (also for the people saying that Twisted Wonderland probably doesn't have holidays like Christmas and stuff. Have you forgotten that Nightmare Before Christmas is a canonical thing in the universe because Disney made it? Nightmare Before Christmas is owned by Disney, so it means it's canon. so they have Valentine's Day and other canonical holidays That appeared in the movie…) but anyway I'm just going to say that Angels generally are magical creatures that have A light Elemental or whatever and then demons Have a dark Elemental and the whole like Angels and Demons one being good one being bad is completely wrong Neither race is inherently bad or good. So yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Unicorns probably have a glamor of some sort. I'm just thinking that magic creatures come in all kinds of shapes and sizes and like some are more human than others some are completely not that's what I'm thinking but yeah.

Thank you for listening to my TED Talk and ranting until next time where I'm going to go into my headcanon of the magical system or I'm going to go deeper into the FAE Category and family tree.

[mintyisms]

Donut County Trashopedia Starters

"Coffee rules. It burns your tongue and makes you go to the bathroom."

"Do not try to wash cotton candy in the pool. This tip will save your life."

"It's a rock. Don't try to eat it."

"How many birds are you willing to fight for a bag of chips?"

"It's one thing to own a chicken, but two chickens...that's two things."

"If your chicken doesn't have a swing...wow "

"DO NOT get spotted."

"Press the buttons on top to select your flavor."

"You can tell a fish secrets, they won't remember anything."

"Tennis balls only grow in hard to reach places."

"Tell me how to get ate by a bird. Tell me."

"Someday everything will be made of corn."

"Rocks were given to us by aliens."

"This is probably the worst place to pour milk into."

"Try washing yourself with soup. You might feel good."

"If you make a crow mad, it will steal your credit card number."

"Carrots grow underground and are therefore extremely untrustworthy."

"Imagine loving carrots so much you wanted to live inside one."

"Bunnies love to chew on stuff because of their evil nature."

"Bunnies want to destroy everything and they don't know why."

"There's no taste like fresh dirt."

"Kinda weird how large and perfectly shaped these boulders are..."

"It's like the aliens are mocking us."

"Everyone is weak to fire."

"Cliffs are a type of trap created by aliens."

"This corn has white stuff on it and spicy stuff. It's really good."

"You can't make me read. I'm not gonna do it."

"99% of seagulls are criminals."

"You can use fireworks to remove hair."

"Seagulls love french fries because it's the main crop of their homeland."

"The only good bird is a fake bird."

"The human ear can hear over 100 songs."

"Imagine if your feet were sticky all day."

"If I had sticky feet I'd walk on the ceiling and scream."

"I'm going to get sticky feet. I'm going to do it. And you can't stop me."

"I won't bow down to a chicken. Ever."

"Eggs saved my life. True story."

"Walking under a ladder isn't just bad luck, it's embarrassing to the ladder."

"This thing goes from zero to sixty in sixty seconds."

"Who will invent the next strawberry?"

"Bees are very hyper and they like to kiss their mom's butt."

"If you sleep in your shed, no one will steal your tools."

"Bees are always making dessert."

"Bees rent apartments from their mom."

"You can predict the weather based on the time between a frogs croak. Sometimes it's wrong."

"Pinecones make no sense. It's not a good fruit."

"It's out of gas."

"Soup has many health benefits if you sit in the pot long enough."

"So many houses aren't made of candy."

"Candles get better the more you have. At least 1000 is a good starting point."

"Use salt to make food taste like the ocean."

"Add pepper if your food tastes too good."

"You can let a bird cook...but don't let it feed you."

"Honk if you wish you were a goose in your past life."

"Some apartments don't allow pets but you can keep bats if you pretend to be upset about it."

"Dogs act like they own the sidewalk...they don't."

"If you get poked by a cactus you become a cactus."

"I would switch bodies with a cactus no questions asked."

"Do laptops dream of their keys falling out?"

"People aren't meant to sit at a desk all day. They're meant to sit on a horse."

"Keep your tablet charged so you don't get bored and go outside."

"Bones are like gears, but for animals. It makes them work."

"The drawers are stuffed with MREs and fake IDs."

"If you tell a scary story without a flashlight, it comes true."

"Masks are the safest way to communicate emotions."

"Pretend to be someone cool."

"Everybody wears a mask...except for me."

"Ever think about all the other types of flumes besides log? I don't."

"It's funny how we need water to live...but also to slide."

"Water balloons are like normal balloons filled with spite."

"Signs are a great way to tell people what to do without actually talking to them."

"Balloons are rude to earth's gravity."

"The secret to good coffee? Scare the beans. You gotta tell at those beans."

"I'm looking for investors to fund my drive-thru haunted house."

"Honestly I think cars are scared of everything, we just can't hear them scream through the mufflers."

"Rich people use their cars only once before throwing them away."

"Scientist may look like they're taking notes, but they're just drawing cool skulls."

"Frogs do a few questionable things but they're otherwise perfect."

"The hacker's code requires that when you hack into a mainframe you gotta say 'I'm in.'"

[terarria-sunflower]

Kite Playing botw

no warnings!

- he already practically lives in the wild: so if he’s ever in a city setting playing a video game, he wants something that takes him back to where he’s most comfortable, that lets him forget about the tall buildings around him and the crowds below him

- the survivalist lifestyle is second nature to him. it just makes sense. he approves of it. it's home to him.

- it’s nice for Kite to get to be a little silly when there aren’t any life or death consequences - wilds Link is a silly, chaotic man as we know, and his survival methods would be totally off brand for Kite. For example, I think of Link hefting giant two-handed clubs and swords at switches to flip them in shrines, whereas Kite would just tap them elegantly with his hands if he could, but it doesn’t irritate him. Quite the opposite, it’s an outlet for him to be a little more wild and crazy and flail his arms around you know?? he kinda gets into it, I can see him sticking his tongue out like a little kid focusing on the puzzle, and then tilting his switch from side to side when he has Link swing the big bat

- and sometimes Link just fucking runs around with his clothes off. Sometimes he has half an outfit on and isn’t dressed at all realistically for the weather, and Kite just thinks that’s funny that he’s just wandering around with half a shirt on in -70 degrees like it’s not Kite’s problem this time!!! He’s not the one getting cold he just gets to sit there and chortle

- cataloging animals and monsters!!! his natural biologist soul is so happy about that. It feels sciency, and it’s a goal he can eventually definitely complete with clear steps, which would be a nice repose from the unpredictability of real science and his real world responsibilities.

- he would know the names of every one of the birds, the wolves, the fish - even all the ones with the same skins that just have different colors or environments. I think it would also be his pet peeve that they reused skins so carelessly for some of them. Like for the Wasteland Coyotes and any of the wolves, he’d be frustrated there wasn’t a clear difference in appearance, and that coyotes behaved with the same AI as the wolves working in groups always. He wishes their behavior was more varied like in real life

- All the different varieties of weapons:) Crazy slots shows us that Kite isn’t a man to stick with any one weapon permanently, and he’d love how many different ones there were, and in combination with rods, shields and bows, and many fighting styles they could be tailored to

- he would have clear sets in his inventory that are meant to be used together, just like his slots ability that he would equip all together that compliment each other. it would be the same idea behind crazy slots for him, but fun for him because he gets to choose which one he wants instead of always having to roll. games are about having fun and this is how he does

- not necessarily the in game sets but ones he likes and builds himself

- botw calls Link every synonym that an E10 game could think of for ‘twink’ without raising that rating, and although Kite and Link may be opposite ends of the height spectrum and I love them both dearly they are twinks

- that word would never pass through Kite’s head but he would feel the kindred, slightly feminine energy from Link’s behavior and how he is perceived and feel a connection. it’s giving he/they vibes yk?

- all the bugs and little creatures he can collect

- he feels bad taking living specimens in real life because he condemns them to captivity, but he also feels sad taking dead ones and then studying them. Having little strings of math that look like fish and lizards that he can look at spread out all colorfully in his inventory feels nice and isn’t hurting anything though

- in general though the game is so soft, just like he is

- like i heard the game described as 'soft core apocalypse' one time, and it just matches his calm so perfectly well

- he navigates his calm with such confidence just like Link navigates the landscape

- and sometimes, the music pumps up and crises arise, Link finds someone who needs protecting, and Kite rolls his slots knowing the clown can’t be put to bed until blood has been spilt, so he does what the situation requires of him with his eyes flashing from deep under the brim of his hat

- oh I’ll give you a hot take though he does NOT like Sidon very much at all, acknowledges to himself that there’s nothing wrong with the guy but he looks very much like a chimera ant, and that bothers him. The dynamic of them having a bloated ruler especially would feel familiar, and Sidon's is kind of like a royal guard in his eyes

- so by extension he’d probably have that same discomfort with Revali, and all the zora and rito

- chimera ants can’t eat rocks though so the gorons are just fine

- although the fact that the zora and rito have children running around would make it a little better for him - it would remind him that they are a normal species, they didn’t all just pop out of eggs as fully formed adults

- he’d like that most of the journey is by himself.

- he enjoy the balance between solo adventuring and exploring and being able to go check in with his good friends all over the world and be in safety for the night whenever he needed

- in real life he’s probably not with his research team constantly, especially since he’s the strongest member, he explores any dangerous areas by himself. He’s one of the world’s strongest nen users, that can feel a little lonely sometimes, and people are always asking for something from him, just like everyone wants some kind of favor from Link

- in conclusion, botw is Kite Simulator™️

[magniloquent-raven]

i have this idea for a fic that i'll probably never write but just hear me out

ed gets adopted by a stray cat

he's the rattiest little tabby with half a tail and a notched ear. no one in the area really knows where he came from but a couple merchants stede talked to think he might've been a ship cat someone left behind. people always find him at the docks, anyways. staring out at the sea. maybe he just goes there hoping to catch fish.

and he's not a friendly cat, is the thing. he skulks around giving everyone the evil eye, he hisses when people come near him, and he's never accepted the food scraps kids will throw him hoping to earn his trust. no one knows why he insists on hanging around populated areas if he hates people so much, but he's been there long enough they've just sort of accepted it.

stede has no interest in the cat, once he realized the thing was never going to let him pet it he gave up, but ed. ed won't stop getting distracted looking for him every time they're in town, craning his neck around corners trying to catch a glimpse of grey fur and angry green eyes. he's started putting leftover bits of dinner in his pocket and leaving them around. under the pier. behind a fruit stall in the market. anywhere he's seen the cat hang out. he never sees the cat eat, but the bits of food are always gone when he comes back. (probably birds, he thinks. or weirdo kids. anything could've gotten them)

then one day the cat follows them home. and will not leave. not that they try very hard to make him. stede shoos him half-heartedly when he catches the cat on the porch, scratching at splintery bits, but he gives up when he sees the starry look on ed's face. they're replacing all that wood anyways, what's a little more damage?

ed sets aside bowls for the cat. for food and water. they get left on the porch, and he finds them empty every morning. the cat rarely comes inside, and never comes very close, but it's okay because ed loves just watching him go about his business. he takes all his business so seriously. stalking bugs and licking his paw and digging holes in the sand. it's all very important. and adorable.

they have a breakthrough when ed is having a bad day.

he's had so many good days since him and stede decided to settle here. sure, it's been weird and difficult doing shit he's not used to doing, but it's also been fucking great. because stede's here doing it too.

but some days are just hard. some days his knee aches and he's gotten one too many bug bites and all the good shit isn't enough to keep him from sitting by izzy's grave and just. hurting.

stede brought him tea earlier. kissed his forehead and asked if he wanted come company. he didn't. he did. but he didn't. so stede promised to come back in an hour and see how he was feeling then.

he's not sure how long it's been, but the tea is long gone and the wind is irritating and sitting on the ground sucks. but. then the cat comes over. and starts playing with izzy's tie. it's still hanging off the makeshift cross they made him, a little sun-faded now. it had been swaying in the breeze until the cat pounced out of nowhere and caught it between his paws.

and ed's first instinct is to jolt, swear, shoo the cat away, but then he freezes, half holding on to the tie, the cat still digging his claws into the other end of it, looking up at ed with his eyes wider than ed's ever seen them. he looks young like that. and he's so much smaller up close.

ed wiggles the tie a little, and the cat bats at it some more.

it's fucking morbid, playing with what's essentially a memorial to someone who died in his arms. his insides clench when he thinks about it like that.

but then he thinks about it differently. he thinks about izzy. always keeping himself apart, holding himself like he didn't need to lean on anything, anyone. acting like he didn't have soft hopes behind steel bars. but he cared. he cared about ed. about their crew. he would've scoffed at ed being silly about a cat. but he would've done it with gentle eyes and a suppressed grin.

"he would've liked you." ed's sure of it. he would've hated the scratches all over everything, and the little holes he was poking in izzy's favourite tie, but none of that would've really mattered. as much as he'd curse and bluster about how much of a bastard the cat was, they would've understood each other.

the cat blinks at him. and chomps on the tie, a quiet growl rumbling in his scraggly chest.

and ed smiles for the first time since he woke up that morning.

[cactusspatz]

April recs

In a shocking turn of events, I'm posting my recs EARLY this month instead of procrastinating! May the Fourth be with you!

About half the stories in this set are Star Wars, because I finally watched Andor and it was AMAZING; the other half are DCU, because I am predictable when sick (Tim + Batfamily h/c my beloved). Plus a Leverage/Old Guard crossover!

STAR WARS

To Climb by Nock_and_Bolt

“Climb,” Kino urged others to escape a prison he never would.

“Climb!” Nemik screamed past multicolored explosions and his own crushed spine.

“Climb!” K-2SO’s voice juddered out over the intercom, punched from mechanical lungs by blaster fire.

And what else could Cassian do but be borne up by the bodies of those that had gone before him?

Brutally good, full of the parallels and motifs in from Andor, all woven into Cassian's final climb in the tower at Scarif. It WILL make you cry in the best way.

Coping Mechanisms by mosylu (Cassian/Jyn)

It takes a heat wave for Jyn to notice that Cassian never, ever goes barefoot.

Intimate and sweet if-they-had-lived look at Cassian's trauma from the Narkina 5 prison.

Kino Lives by ad_asterism

Set at the end of Andor Episode 10: "One Way Out". Kino fucking gets to live.

Look, a girl has needs, and those needs include reading every single Kino fix-it for Episode 10 on AO3. This was my favorite by far, I think maybe because it *doesn't* involve Cassian? The episode ending was the right ending for that arc in Cassian's story, but this fic picks up the thematic threads and weaves them into off a very Star Wars escape for Kino. It could use some more love - possibly the very basic title and summary kept people away - so don't forget to comment!

No Survivors by elwenyere (Cassian/Melshi)

It had been three standard years, two months, and twenty-five days since Melshi had made himself walk away from the man he’d known as Keef Girgo.

Great mid-mission reunion for Cassian and Melshi, their slowly growing attachment and exploration of Cassian's trauma are beautifully written, and the plot starts to poke at the roots of Rogue One.

Personal Effects by mosylu

Spies travel light. Even so, Cassian Andor left things behind.

A neatly drawn outsider-POV character study, as the Rebels clear out the belongings of the Death Star's dead. This fic's older, but felt very matched in tone with Andor.

A Proud, Unpleasant Sort of Man by angel_deux (Han/Leia, Cassian/Jyn)

It takes Cassian Andor and Han Solo an embarrassingly long time to realize that they aren't each other's rivals.

Funny and sweet post-Rogue One everybody-lives AU.

DCU

Inscribed on Body & Soul by drowningfire

Jason Todd died knowing he was loved. His resurrection took even that from him. Turns out he came back to life needing saving just as much as he did when he left it. Thankfully the Bats and Birds have always specialised in impossible rescues. And while love can't fix everything having proof of it can't hurt.

AKA In a world where the names of those who love you inscribe themselves upon your skin, Jason's resurrection plays out a little differently.

Lovely platonic soulmates AU with lots of feelings and angst for everyone in the family, just the way I like it.

of crime lords and literature by adelfie

Gloved fingers close over Tim’s throat and slowly begin to squeeze.

“Jason!” he gasps, choking. “Have you ever read Macbeth?”

The Red Hood stares at him like Tim just slapped him with a fish.

With his grades slipping, Tim worries Bruce will take Robin away. So when the Red Hood breaks into his room with the intent to kill him, Tim decides it's a good idea to ask him for help on his English homework. It works. And then it doesn't. And then Tim solves a mystery and almost dies anyway.

The summary makes this sound kinda cracky but I actually loved the plot. (Tim, how is your life just SO disaster? It's really a talent.)

Little Red and the Big Bad Hood by CrzyFun

Olivia Draper had been a good idea at first. She could pass for older than Tim could pull off while masculine and women really could get into places easier if they had a pretty face. With makeup and some stylish-yet-inexpensive clothes, Olivia could pull off most undercover ops. She was Tim’s Matches Malone.

Then Hood had shown up on the scene.

Charming AU with tons of identity porn as Jason grudgingly big-brother-adopts genderfluid Tim while he's undercover.

For the Sick and Dying by GoAwayOlivia

It’s been a while since Jason has felt this bad. He’s used to being bruised and aching, used to broken bones and lacerations of all sizes and depths, but it’s been a hell of a long time since he’s been sick, and he’d honestly forgotten how much it sucks. His family isn't exactly helping matters.

In which Jason is hilariously dramatic about being sick. I enjoyed the hell out of this while actually sick, but I think the appeal is universal.

The last (but certainly not least) story I have for you is a delightful Leverage/The Old Guard crossover, which was the funniest thing I read all month.

The Fountain of Youth Job by BazinMousqueton

The Leverage: Redemption team are hired to investigate Merrick Pharmaceuticals following a suspicious death in South Sudan. They embark on a con, infiltrate Merrick’s HQ… and find some unexpected prisoners in his research lab.

This one is more accessible for Leverage-only fans than TOG-only fans, I think, but it has a pitch-perfect grasp on the Leverage crew (Redemption era) and a great con setup - which gets partially and hilariously derailed when they find Joe and Nicky.

[lucifersmockingbird]

Animal Magick - Tezcatlipoca

Yes, I know, another one.

Animal Magick is one of my main practices, I devote my life to aid animals. This went to extra levels when Tezcatlipoca claimed his place in my life (he didn't ask he just sat here and I was like: oh. oh gods. okay, this is-- wow). A hummingbird passed away in my hands after I picked him up from the ground, I saw a woodpecker in the CITY (I've NEVER seen one), I had an eagle so close I could see its colors, black wasps, etc. Now, let me tell you the story of her, a Xōchiquetzal butterfly.

(that's the only pic I took of her jsjshs)

I found her when I was walking my dog. She was on the ground trying to fly but she just couldn't. Nothing was wrong with her wings, she look okay.

But I've seen birds getting pretty bad endings just because they where in a human's way. And I saw her battle for a long time, I knew a car would squish her or a human would, to keep her in a book.

I'm a professional butterfly catcher (I love moths and butterflies since I was a kid), so picking her up was rather easy. I took her home, offered some water and fruits but she wouldn't fly. My mom told me to euthanize her, but I wanted to give her a chance. Something told me to. I kept her in my room, gave her water and fruit and just letting her rest, checking from time to time if she was able to fly or not.

So I let her in the altar of a spirit I love dearly and his physical representation are moths and, well, butterflies. She wasn't getting better, but she also wasn't getting worse. She trusted me enough to get on my hands and arms, jog around and eat.

Second night, she batted her wings a little bit more and after a few falls she flew in my room. I was HAPPY AS FUCK. Animals only came to me to die or find a home, but sheeee, she was built different. Butterflies are extremely hard to take care of and I was afraid I would mess up BUT SHE LIVED AND SHE WAS FLYING, and she was soooo beautiful.

Next day, I set her free again. I hope that, even if it was just for a day, she enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her wings again. Now every time I see a Xōchiquetzal butterfly I like to think that's her.

She found life. One day she will die, but she enjoyed the light again.

[once-was-muses]

@envychosen | Send me "muses most to least..." and something to rank them in

muses most to least...animal lover

Scarecrow, Saint Walker & Antonio- it is Extremely difficult to pick between these three. Each of them is just as happy spending time around animals as they are people- more so in Jon's case. Each have and/or have had meaningful connections with an animal. Each would go out of their way to help one. Each are passionate enough to try and convince someone else insert animal here "isn't that bad"- even with bats and birds for Jon, bugs for Bro'Dee, and cats for Antonio. Each respects them as an individual thing more than something for "higher beings" that are "more intelligent" than them.

Fright- Linda wouldn't describe herself as an animal lover (even though she absolutely is.) She certainly admires them, finds interest in the diversity of animals and life's ability to evolve, to adapt specialized features. Sure, maybe she takes painstaking care to make sure her myriad of creepy crawly companions all have exactly what they need- but that's not necessarily love or compassion so much as being a responsible caregiver. And stealing neglected scorpions and tarantulas is just another part of that role.

March Harriet- she adores animals. Unsurprisingly, rabbits are her favorites- but she also loves rats, mice, dogs, hamsters, chinchillas, cats, sugar gliders- oh, and frogs. She loves frogs.

Copperhead- understandably feels more at ease around animals than 99% of humans. He's very content to share a sunning spot with a rattler or float around with some gators, not an ounce of fear in him- but that reptilian territorialism does have him prefer his personal space.

Two-Face- they've never been crazy passionate about animals, but they’re not apathetic about them either. Hell, they have a couple of rescue cats themselves, named Coke and Pepsi. Granted the pair was pretty much an assignment from Selina, but they’ve nevertheless taken care of them. And maybe they've tossed their scraps out for the strays instead of tossing 'em in the bin a few times.

Jackdaw- like Two-Face, she isn't a die hard animal activist but has a fairly positive opinion on animals. She doesn't necessarily have one particular favorite, but she doesn't dislike any as an entire species- more so cussing out a specific roach that's going after her food, scaring off a stray dog so the cat it's chasing can get away, live and let live.

Abe- he's very interested in animals, both ordinary and extraordinary, deriving entertainment from studying them- but he's much more content watching from a distance than directly interacting. Maybe it has something to do with most creatures he interacts with wanting to eat or kill him, but he's perfectly happy studying from the other side of the glass.

Bookworm- he's fine with some animals- individuals and species- but would rather not live with any. Maybe some fish would be fine, but anything else would either get hair everywhere, get into his books, skitter or slither- Like kids, he's much more content to let someone else have them and visit now and again.

Dedan- again, not overly fond of animals- but he doesn't necessarily hate them. Just finds them annoying more often than note, nuisances or another chore to do. Maybe if he was able to slow down, he'd appreciate a cat or dog curled up on his lap, but that's incredibly unlikely.

Salaak- he has surprisingly limited interaction with animals. And almost all of which have been dangerous, aggressive wildlife on alien planets. So, beyond passing interest in a new organism, he doesn't have the best opinion.

Thoth- animals don't care much for him, and the feeling is mutual. Most are loud, messy, unpredictable, needful- unnecessary extra headaches for him to keep track of. He refuses to let even his ibises into his library for a reason.

[thomaslaurencetempleton]

Fine, have a comic script. I can't find an artist anyway.

The Weird Go Pro: A Neo American Pulp Story

Character Summaries:

Professor Laban Shrewsbury

- Hunter S. Thompson style; brown khaki shorts, black socks, Chuck Taylors, printed button-up shirt covered by a khaki fishing vest with multiple pockets. His face is often mostly covered up by Aviator sunglasses, except for in one shot when he is festering, horrible, eyeless sockets, which are uncovered. 

Beccah Meinard 

- Similar to Bella Swan from Twilight Sagas, except she is chubby and poorly dressed. She wears jeans, a bad cardigan sweater over a t-shirt and sneakers. 

Edmund

- A hulky monstrous brute with a face like a rat or a vampire bat. Instead of having the classic incisors, he has pointed buck teeth similar to some sort of strange rodent, in addition to having pointy ears. In one of the shots he looks like Edward from Twilight, except with comically large vampire fangs. His wardrobe is a simple v-neck t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. 

Page 1: 2 panels. Panel 1: full page. Panel 2: small corner inset in lower right side of Panel 1. 

Panel 1: High angle birds eye view of a school hallway. Nighttime, the walls are lined with lockers. Beccah is lying against a locker in the lower left corner of the shot. Laban is kneeling behind her, to her side, and over her. 

Laban: Here, take this

Beccah: Uhmm....what is it?

Laban: It’ll help

Beccah: What is wrong?

Laban: Yer head is confused, this'll confuse it more, but it’ll help.

Beccah: It’s dark, I can’t see.

Laban: Here, I have a torch in my bag.

Panel 2: A comic “CLICK” runs along the left border of the panel. A close-up shot of Beccah’s face, twisted in discomfort from a flashlight beam being pointed at her. 

Beccah: Who are you?

Page 2: 3 panels. Panel 1: 1/2 page. Panels 2 & 3: 1/4 page.

Panel 1: Close up of an illuminated shot of Laban’s face. He is not wearing his sunglasses, his dark, gaping eye sockets are visible and he’s grinning in a crazed heroic smile. A dramatic comic scream creeps up along the right side of the panel. 

Laban: I’m Professor Laban Shrewsbury, Doctorate of Anthropology of the Weird. 

Panel 2: A mid level pulled back shot of the hallway. Laban is on the left side, Beccah is on the right. A lantern is between the two of them. Laban is looking in a bag and grabbing his sunglasses out with one hand, his other is over a surprised Beccah’s mouth, and a comic “Gulp” is over her head as he is forcing something into her mouth. 

Laban: Just shut up and take these, we don’t have time for you to start tweaking out this early. 

Panel 3: Same shot as 2, Laban is putting on his sunglasses and Beccah has both hands over her mouth, looking shocked in the eyes. 

Beccah: Just, what the frig! is going on here?

Laban: Your boyfriend, the Vampire, was about to drink your sweet, virginal blood, and I scared the rat faced bastard off. I’ve gotta get you clear-headed, and the fuck outta here. 

Diary Page 3

I’ve been thinking a lot about death a lot lately. I mean I am only sixteen, but it’s beginning to fee all so real to me in all this shit called my youth.

So much Hank P and me got into a huge fight at lunch about it and broke up. He seemed to think we shouldn’t even be worried about it at our age, and I think that the more we keep it close the more we will enjoy the short span of time we have.

He may look cute with his glasses and shaggy brown hair, but who wants to hang out with some guy who’s daily highlights are playing some magic card game with his friends at lunch break is so LAME!

GODDAMN HE IS SUCH A WEINER!!!!

In other news, my Potter drought is BROKEN! Cheri on Facebook told me about this new book with Vampires. It’s gonna be a MOVIE! SQUEEE!

Page 4: 3 panels. Panel 1: 1/4 page. Panel 2: 1/2 page. Panel 3: 1/4 page.

Panel 1: Same shot as Panel 3 on Page 2. Laban is looking at Beccah, who is looking petulant. 

Beccah: I don’t know what you are talking about...

Laban: Are you sure? Think of the boy that gives you that gushy feeling. 

Panel 2: A bright, glittery face shot of a sparkling Edward Cullen, looking gay with fangs and a starry-eyed shot of Beccah’s fact in the lower right corner of the panel. It has a dream-like feel to it all. 

Edmund: Beccah, let me bite you, and we’ll be together forever.

Beccah: Oh Edmund, you’re so beautiful!

Panel 3: Almost the same shot as Panel 1. Laban is walking away with his bag and lantern in hand. Beccah is still leaning against the lockers as she watches him go.

Laban: Yeah, thats what I thought. C’mon those drugs need to kick in soon and I need to rearm in case bat boy comes back. Let’s find the cafeteria. 

Beccah: What were those pills anyways? 

Laban: Adderall or Meth, same difference. 

Diary Page 5

I spent Lunch with Cheri today. We hung out behind the field house with her “Crew” . Most of them smoked and were very “artsy” which felt so refreshing to me. I talked with a few of them but me and Cheri mostly talked about the third Vampire book which we both started together.

OH MY GOD ITS SO GOOD!

I envy her and her friends. They all seem to understand each other. They read such good books that reflect how dark life really is. Cheri shared her frappicino with me while we talked and I am totally addicted to coffee now, Yum!

Cheri was really popular with all the boys hanging out. I totally think she may have even had sex with a couple of them. I kinda jealous because they were all kinda cute and dark. I kinda wish I could be like her a little

Page 6: 6 panels. Page is divided into thirds. Top third is divided into 3 equal panels. Panel 4 is next 1/3. Panel 5 is 1/3. Panel 6 is last 1/3. Comic “Five Minutes Later” across top border.

Panels 1,2,3: All panels are tied together by one large word bubble coming from Panel 3. Panel 1: a close up of a Microwave timer counting down. Panel 2: Laban looking perturbed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Panel 3: Close of Beccah’s face, vertical, and open-mouthed, talking. 

Beccah: OMG! I can’t believe you think that Edmund was gonna kill me! It’s totally not what you think! He’s beautiful and he never attacks humans. Just like that book, but only better, because it’s real!

Panel 4: A mid level drawn back shot of a school kitchen. A microwave is in the far left side of the shot. Laban is screaming petulantly, frustratingly. 1/3 of the way into the frame, at an incline, is Beccah, who is babbling, laying on top of a prep table in the right side of the shot. Beccah’s word bubble continues across the panel but half way through it is interrupted by a large comic “SHUT UP!!”

Beccah: I mean how surprised did you think I was.

SHUT UP!!!

Laban: Is everyone these days educated by pop culture, or are you an especially retarded example? Let me teach you something. 

Panel 5: A close-up of Laban’s face looking quite serious. A word bubble goes into Panel 6. 

Laban: Vampire is pronounced “Vam-pi-er”. They are not pretty. They are not sexy. They eat people and rape humanity. THEY. ARE. MONSTERS! 

Panel 6: Same shot as the right side of Panel 4. Beccah is sitting up on her elbows (explain this visual better?), looking surprised in the direction of where Laban was in Panel 4. 

Beccah: But Edmund twinkles in the light?! 

Page 7: 5 Panels. Panel 1: 1/2 page. Panels 2 & 3 are 1/4 of page. Panel 2: 1/4 of width. Panel 3: 3/4 of width. Panels 4 & 5: last 1/4 of Page. Panel 4: 3/4 of width. Panel 5: 1/4 of width. 

Panel 1: A waist up full shot of Laban yelled, frustrated with clenched fists, outlined dramatically. 

Laban: REAL VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE UNTIL THE THIRD TAB OF MESCALINE!!! NOW, TAKE ANOTHER PILL!!!

Panel 2: A close up of microwave timer again, all zeros, with a comic “Beep, Beep”

Panel 3: A smaller version of Page 4. 

Panel 4: Laban is slumping, looking defeated. Beccah is still looking at him, from her position, reclined on her elbows. A comic “Huff, Huff” is in front of Laban. In “telepathy” word bubbles, in the lower right corner is “Beccah, I’m here.”

Beccah: Why are you making microwave popcorn anyways?

Panel 4: A close up shot of an over-joyed Beccah’s face, with dramatic highlights. 

Beccah: Edmund! He’s calling to me!

Panel 5: A larger shot of Panel 3. Laban is in the far left side of the panel, reaching out, and moving towards the right side of the panel. Beccah is hurdling off of the prep table, rushing towards the right side of the panel. A comic “Squeel” is coming from her. 

Laban: Get back here you dizzey cunt!

Diary Page 8

I went down to the “Skid Hole” today to talk with Cheri about our book today, but she totally blew me off to make out with Phillip Hannigan. I don’t know why she likes him. He’s high all the time and smells like a skunk. 

I ended up sitting against the field house wall, drinking my cold coffee, and talking with Chester Bennigan. At least I was trying to, while he sketched dirty pictures in his notebook. At least he was willing to say “huh” and “oh yeah” as I talked. I coulda been choking and Cheri wouldn’t have noticed. Chester heard about our book and thought it was “gay”, so I don’t know who to talk to about it. 

There was a new guy at the Skid Hole too. He just kinda sat by himself over by the drainage hole. But, he kept staring at me all lunch. It kinda weirded me out. Chester said his name was Edmund and no one really knew him because he was new. I don’t know about the staring, but I can’t stop thinking about him. 

Page 9: 3 panels. Panel 1: 1/4 of page. Panel 2: 1/4 of page. Panel 3: 1/2 of page. 

Panel 1: Same shot as Panel 5, Page 5. An almost “time lapse” type shot of Laban grabbing a bag of popcorn from the microwave and then running out of the shot, to the right. He is bouncing the hot bag of popcorn in his hands. A word bubble is emanating from the last version of him, running off shot. 

Laban: Get yer chubby ass back here. He’s not the fucking hero here!!!

Panel 2: Completely black, except for the word bubbles. Laban is on the left side of the Panel. Beccah and Edmund are on the right side of the panel. 

Laban: Beccah, yer not chubby. I’m sorry. Get to college. I’m sure things will change. But for right now, at least get by me, if the drugs have taken hold. 

Beccah: Oh Edmund, I’m sorry. I don’t think this weirdo understands. Just turn on a light and he’ll see you aren’t a monster. 

Edmund: It’s okay Beccah, I’ll show him, he has no idea what’s going on. 

Panel 3: Dark, no backgroud. All the light is emanating from lantern that Laban is holding out. Laban is hunched over, looking solemn, holding out the lantern on the left side of the shot. Beccah is holding herself against Edmund’s chest. Edmund is only visible from the chest down. 

Laban: Beccah, you really need to get over here now before you see exactly what you are holding. 

Beccah: No! You don’t understand. All you’ve done is confuse me with words, and weird pills. 

Diary Page 10

Cheri totally called me up today to hang out at the mall. I borrowed my dad’s pick-up and we met in the food court and iced mochas, which is totally our new drink.

She told me her and Phillip are totally over. They were fun together, but all he wanted was one thing, and she didn’t want to be known for being some kind of whore. Even if she is, I am still kind of jealous. Most of my ex-boyfriends would have cared less about me. All the guys seem to just really want to be with her. 

We went to Walden Books and I caught her up on our vampire book. The movie versions of the first book were on the shelves and the actors they chose were so PERFECT!!

The quiet guy from the Skid Hole, Edmund, was there. He kept starting at us (ME) and Cheri called him a creep. She says he has “rape eyes”. I think he’s just intense, and kinda cute. 

Page 11: 3 panels. Panel 1: 1/2 page. Panel 2: 1/4 page. Panel 3: 1/4 page.

Panel 1: A dramatic action pose of Beccah and Edmund. Beccah is holding onto Edmund and screaming. Edmund is maliciously clutching her and looking like a fearsome monster. A comic “Ahhh” coming from Beccah.

Laban (the word bubble is coming in from off the shot): That’s why I’ve been giving you those pills, to break whatever kind of mind control he has on you.

Panel 2: Same style shot as Panel 3 on Page 6. Laban is still holding up the lantern. Beccah is in mid-frame, cowering in fear. Edmund is still in the same position as before, on the right side of the panel, except he is leaning over, looking menacing. 

Laban: High doses of stimulants break the vampire mind control. You’re now seeing him as he really is. 

Edmund: Hurrr?!

Panel 3. Same shot as Panel 2, except Beccah is contemplatively reaching forward towards Edmund. Laban is face palming himself. 

Laban: You fat, dizzy, cunt!

Beccah: Oh my god Edmund! What did he do to you to turn you into this monster?

Edmund: Yes! Beccah!

Diary Page 12,13

OH MY GOD! I HAVE SO MUCH TO WRITE!!

I almost can’t believe what happened if I hadn’t seen it myself. It was totally poopie Sunday, raining and what not, so I decided to walk down to Wendy’s and get some nugs to eat and feel better on such a lame day. 

I was walking across Wilmington Boulevard, when some dumb cunt in a mini-van hydroplaned coming up to the intersection. She was going to slide right into me at the crosswalk when I suddenly felt like I was flying. I was totally seeing my life flash before the backs of my eyelids when I felt myself land. 

I opened my eyes and I was standing in the woods alongside Wilmington with Edmund. He was holding me, and looked so concerned! I was so surprised that I couldn’t talk! He said he saw me and grabbed me out of the way. I was so confused as to how quickly we got into the woods. I felt his hands on my arms. He was ice cold. I looked at his lips and saw fangs hiding behind them. Suddenly, the sky parted and the light hit his face. 

HE SPARKLED!

I looked dumbfounded at him and could say only one thing, “You’re a vampire!”

He let go and walked away like I hit him. Then, he looked at me, and said, “Say Nothing.” Then he disappeared. 

I can’t believe it! Edmund Is A Vampire!!

SQUEEEE!!!!!!!

Page 14: 5 panels. Page is divided into 3 panels on the top 1/4 of the page. Panel 4: middle 1/2 of page. Panel 5: takes up last 1/4 of page. 

Panel 1: A shot of just Laban’s face, twisted in sick humor and anger.

Laban: Well, I guess I am not really the hero of this story now?

Panel 2: A close up of Beccah’s face. She is starry-eyed and full of adoration for Edmund.

Beccah: Take me Edmunch, and let’s show this creep how powerful our love is!

Panel 3: A close up of Edmund’s face. He’s excited, looking intense and tense with anger. Word bubbles are converging between Panels 2 & 3. 

Edmund: Give me your virgin blood and I’ll be more powerful than you will ever imagine. 

Panel 4: A dramatic mid level shot of Edmund biting Beccah’s neck, which is at a sick angle, her body is crumpled awkwardly in his arms. His eyes are locked intently, at the reader. A large come “BITE” is behind him. 

Panel 5: Same type of shot as Panel 3, Page 7. Laban is hunched angrily looking at Edmund, who has Beccah hanging like a dead rabbit from his jaws. 

Laban: I deserve better monsters than this... This has got to be the most sad-sacked pile of shit the agents of weirdness have thrown at me. 

Diary Page 15

Edmund wasn’t at school today. It musta been too sunny for him, lol. I got home and did some vampire research. Not all of it jives with the books but I know not all of it is true. Like, Wikipedia says vampires are made by “errant spirits who enter bodies of the dead”, whatever. They also like the blood of virgins and sleep in graves. Edmund totally doesn’t do these things! I know it!

Oh my god, Edmund was just at my window. I guess you have to invited them in? But, my Dad only can do it, so Edmund says its best not to let him know. I told him about what I read on the net, and he totally says its all wrong! We’ve been talking all night, and he says that I am special. That’s why he was watching me all those times. We wants to be with me, but only if I am willing to give myself completely. I told him I need time to think. lol. 

Page 16: Page is separated into 4 parts. Panel 1: 3/8 of page. Panel 2: 3/8 of 1/2 page. Panel 3: 3/8 of 1/2 page. Panel 4: 1/4 page. (did you do the math right on this, its fairly confusing?)

Panel 1: Same shote as Panel 5, Page 8. Laban is still hunched, and looking angrily at Edmund. Edmund is dramatically throwing Beccah’s crumpled up corpse from his jaws into the middle ground. 

Edmund: Human! You have no idea the power of a Vampyre who has fed upon the blood of a willing virgin!

Panel 2: A close up of a very angry Laban Shrewsbury

Laban: Vampyre! I have fought gods and destroyed creatures fouler than some old world blood creature like you!

Panel 3: A close up of a very scary looking Edmund.

Edmund: What are you going to do? You’re an old man with no weapons, in the dark with a lantern, and not even the common sense to remove your sunglasses.

Panel 4: An over the shoulder shot of Edmund, looking at and even angrier Laban. 

Laban: I am going to embarrass both you and me by throwing at you the dumbest thing I’ve ever used to defeat a monster, because humanity has yet again moved forward father than worthless monsters, such as yourself. 

Diary Page 17, 18 

I am totally done with Cheri! Remember how I wrote the other day, despite what Edmund said, I told her about what was going on between me and him? Well I thought she was gonna make fun of me and eventually once I gave myself to him, she would understand. 

Well, being the bitch she is, she musta send an email about me to some “internet monster hunter.” She just wants to make fun of me and is just rubbing it in. This guy is the kinda weirdo they jokingly put on TV Shows to show how crazy some people can be. I mean his website must be from 1998 or something, on top of all the crazy shit he talks about. I mean, who believes in Bigfoot anymore?

He is supposedly a doctor or something and sent me a weird e-mail, warning me about how stupid I was being. Then, he went on about a whole bunch of mythical bullshit about how dangerous Edmund was. Cheri must be pissing herself with laughter right now. 

I am gonna do it. I am giving myself to Edmund. Maybe after he makes me a vampire, I’ll got find Cheri and scare the crap out of her. I’ll find her in a dark alley and jump out of the shadows, be all pointy-teethed and screaming. I wouldn’t hurt her, naturally, because me and Edmund won’t be like that. We will go to Washington and live in the forest, and go to Seattle, hang out in the coffee shops and write real, but fictional stories about ourselves. I’m gonna call him and go to the school tonight. 

Page 19: 4 panels. Page is separated into 1/3’s. Panels 1 & 2 are top 1/3, equal halves. Panel 3: 1/3 of page. Panel 4: 1/3 of page. 

Panel 1: A close up of a bag of microwave popcorn dangling from Laban’s fingers. Bag is labeled “Movie Theatre Butter Blast.”

Panel 2: Another close up of Edmund’s fact, looking confused. 

Edmund: Is that what you’re talking about?

Panel 3: Same type shot as Panel 1, Page 9. Laban is tossing the bag of popcorn, nonchalantly through the air. Edmund is still looking confused on the right side of the shot. 

Laban: Here, catch.

Panel 4: Same shot as Panel 3. Laban is reaching into his front pocket grabbing something, on the left side of panel. Edmund is on the right side of the panel, juggling the bag of popcorn, which is spilling its contents all over him. “Ah” “Ah” “Ah” in comic style surrounds him. 

Page 20: 3 panels. Panel 1: 1/3 of page. Panels 2 & 3: 2/3 of page, bisected angularly from the top right to the lower left. 

Panel 1: A waist up shot of Edmund, shoulders slumped, looking defeated, and covered in popcorn.

Edmund: If this works, I am gonna fuck your corpse in hell...nightly.

Panel 2: A close up of Laban, shoulders up, smiling, lighting a 100’s cigarette, talking out of the side of his mouth. 

Laban: Evidently, artificial butter flavoring is like holy water, garlic, crucifixes, and sunlight to you undead bastards! 

Panel 3: Edmund is withering in pan, screaming at the heavens, bursting into flames, whilst covered in popcorn.

Edmund: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!

Page 21: one panel, full page.

Panel 1: Laban is hunched angrily, taking a drag off of his cigarette. Walking towards the viewer. In the background, Edmund is burning horribly, turning disfigured and screaming. A comic “Scream” emanating from behind him. 

Laban: If it wasn’t for naïve, insecure, school girls and fat, lonely, middle-aged secretaries, you fuckers would have died out by now.

[beewitched-monday]

Miscellaneous Maxie/Archie headcanons galore

I need to get these out of my system, or I'll literally explode Might make more of these in the future, those divorced husbands have me in the strongest chokehold ever

- Heat tolerance -

Yes YES YASS give Maxie ALL the heat! Man is a lizard, he NEEDS to be warm at all times. Extra layers of clothing, residing near volcanoes, that's his jam. On an especially sunny day you might find him napping on some rocks (kudos to gleaming-glasses here on Tumblr, that sketch of Maxie in his reptile era lives in my head rent-free). Surprisingly, Archie is pretty good with the heat too. He doesn't enjoy it as much as Maxie, but he won't be miserable when it's hot around, too. A day out in the sunny beach sound pretty good for him, honestly.

- Cold tolerance -

Oh. Oh, no. I think, Maxie just died. He can't function when it's cold, like, at all. He literally gets super sleepy and dizzy, he can't work like that, give him a warm blanket asap!

I don't know how Archie does it, but this man? This man can stand in a blizzard in a swimsuit and feel great. His body produces enough heat to keep him warm at all times, he's built different.

- Diet -

Idk, Maxie strikes me as a vegetarian? Not even because of any beliefs, he just doesn't like the taste of meat and/or fish. The smell too, but he can manage. If he's feeling extra nauseous when Archie cooks at home, he'd just open more windows or go out for a walk, no big deal.

Archie would totally eat anything, and I mean anything. Plants, meat, fish, if it's edible he's lurking somewhere around, ready to grab a plate of whatever is cooking. Is a great cook himself, actually! Preparing food for others is one of his love languages, he just thrives if he sees someone enjoying his food. Especially if it's Maxie, oh, he definitely learned to cook more vegetarian meals just for his husband (although he'd still tease him about eating "his salads", but it's all lighthearted).

- Vision -

Maxie is blind as a bat, simple as that. Can barely do anything without his glasses, aside from navigating around the house (outside too, but it's definitely harder due to more small stuff he has to notice). If you want him to see you clearly, you literally have to stand right next to him, a step away at max.

Archie has great vision! ..or so he'd want you to think. The seaman is far-sighted as hell, which is great when he's out and about, but comes back to bite him in the ass whenever he has to inspect/read something up close. Shelly's doing all the reading for him when he's with the team, because the only time he allows himself to wear glasses is at home.

- Body hair -

This one is weirdly specific, BUT I WANNA TALK ABOUT IT SO BAD

Because Archie, imo, has NONE of it. No, of course, it grows, but my man is a swimmer, he would definitely shave anything that's not his beard. The beard stays.

Maxie, on the other hand? Floofy boi, maybe not as floofy as Archie could've been, but it's totally there. No beard for the twink, though, he just can't grow it. Like, the most hair he had on his face was that pathetic excuse for a mustache in his college years, and he'd like to forget about that, thank you very much

- Sleeping schedule -

Maxie is a night owl, but he forces himself to follow a strict schedule, which includes waking up early. Does he go to bed early as well? Of course not, he'd stay up so late working again, and be absolutely miserable when the morning comes. Can he function without at least two cups of coffee for breakfast? No. At this point, I won't be surprised if he has caffeine instead of blood in his veins. Sir, I beg you, get some proper sleep.

Archie, on the other hand, is totally an early bird. Can't catch him staying up too late, no sir, he's already snoring in bed when the clock strikes 10 p.m. Won't say no to a cup of coffee in the morning, though, he enjoys the extra energy boost.

[taughtdefense]

ethan likes to think that he's immune to any & all surprises, both good ones & bad… mostly because of his status as a non-human entity. he's been around a very long time. keeping his eldritch nature under wraps has been kind of easy so far, up until the point of his death experience(s).

he's very happy to be lounging around miyagi-do. wait, hold on. no. eagle-do? is there a new name for the two dojos combining styles? - with robby, the senseis, & his friends scattered about nearby. demetri & emma are watching anthony trying to grab koi fish bare-handed. chase & calla are training with each other, but it looks to be more like play fighting than anything serious. the miyagi-do lesson just finished for the day five minutes ago, & most of ethan's friends are just relaxing around the tranquil space. he's thrilled that mr. larusso let him take it a little easier today, & that he re-opened the dojo most recently in general, rejoining the fight against silver & his cobra kai. mr. larusso's worried about ethan over-extending himself, what with his recent... run-in with silver. ( he's been very careful not to mention it around ethan, something he appreciates, more than he can say. it's not every day a human boy dies twice clinically & gets resuscitated thrice. ) mr. larusso's own injuries haven't healed fully yet, the black eye he's sporting still obvious, still tender to the touch, radiating pain whenever he goes to rub his eye.

ethan's eyes are closed, choosing to lean up against hawk because his wonderful boyfriend is occupied at the moment. hawk spares a glance over at robby & sticks his tongue out before looking over ethan's head, towards a new pair of footsteps passing through the side gate of the dojo. ethan's more than happy to keep his eyes closed, dozing off on hawk's shoulder, ignoring the movement.

@lovehungered says ❝ hi eth. ❞ & smiles at ethan !

his eyes snap open instantly. his head whips towards the sound of his friend's voice, & he freezes for a millisecond. admittedly, it takes a millisecond for him to register the fact that sanji's really here! & he's smiling at him! this isn't just a dream or some trick! sanji's here, yep! he feels all warm & fuzzy at the use of his nickname, used by everyone present as a sign of friendship with him. it's kind of like he's wrapped up in a warm, really comforting hug. the taller boy gasps at the sight of his friend, immediately scrambling up from where he's comfortably sitting on the sparring deck. what a great surprise! ethan hasn't seen sanji in like three whole days - that's three more days than he'd have liked to go without seeing his friend. but he understands that life can get busy. now that he’s here, ethan feels like he has so much he wants to say to him. there's not enough daylight left in the day to start rambling, but wow, he really, really wants to start!

as he lumbers over to the blond like a bat out of hell, a big, cheesy grin crossing his features, ethan makes a decidedly... unmanly noise that sounds a little similar to a bird chirp, making johnny’s jaw drop in surprise. hawk & miguel both stifle a laugh, two sets of eyes rolling skyward. the boys are more used to his… eccentric qualities, but johnny's getting there. progress, if nothing else.

❝ hi, sanji! ❞ ethan responds with even more enthusiasm than sanji's kind greeting, his entire face full of warmth & unbridled joy as he places both of his hands on his shoulders, like he's trying to really confirm that he's real. ❝ i feel like i haven't seen you in forever. ❞ three days is way too long to go without seeing his pal. he makes a mental note: try to never let that happen, ever again, if he can help it! ❝ how've you been, man? how's sensei zeff? ❞

[duhdumb89]

A Forbidden Happiness | Chapter 9

Xiang gui ren was despondent.

Perhaps that was a bit too dramatic.

Xiang gui ren was annoyed.

A few days ago she had to end the morning greetings by kowtowing in apology to Shen huang gui fei. Even though it was no fault of her own, she had apparently committed a great crime by serving The Emperor on the anniversary of his and Shen huang gui fei's wedding.

The Emperor was too hasty sometimes. Of course, she was eager to be with him again, but that could've waited one day! Now Shen huang gui fei thought of her as some sort of calculating minx. As if her spending time with His Majesty is anything other than spending time with His Majesty. She had no connections in the capital and wasn't from any prominent family in court. What plan could she have? What scheme could she plot? Even if she gave birth to a million princes, her status would never come close to Shen huang gui fei's.

To make matters worse, De gui fei was avoiding her like she had the pox. She managed to be the one person in the Forbidden City who wasn't inclined to talk to Xiang gui ren. The few conversations they did have ended with De gui fei excusing herself to go pray. However, it wasn't as if Xiang gui ren was spending her days here alone. Jiang gui ren was stuck at her side like a leech. She was sure if His Majesty ordered her in bed with them, she'd do that without batting an eye. Side by side, step by step, Jiang gui ren dogged her. And where Jiang gui ren went, An gui ren followed all for the chance to see His Majesty. Not to mention the first-class attendants who aimed to climb up by being friends with her.

At first, Xiang gui ren thought it was a little strange that Her Highness didn't allow any second-class attendants to pay their respects. Only to come back to a crowd of beautiful young girls clogging up the courtyard of Xianfugong one afternoon. They were His Majesty's first and second-class attendants, all 15 of them.

They wouldn't leave until well after the sun had set. To avoid that again, Xiang gui ren decided to stroll through the Imperial Garden. Maybe the fresh air and beautiful flowers would help her think of something to get close to De gui fei.

"Mistress look, do you like that flower?" Asked Jiayi.

"It's nice,"

"I'll draw it for you when we finish your walk then,"

"Jiejie, you should draw the fish in the pond there, too," said Molan.

"Fish are boring," said Ping'er, "Jiejie should draw the birds there. Don't you think so, Pie'er?"

And they were off. Ping'er and Molan began to argue quietly with each other, while Pie'er looked on, a soft smile on her face. Her little group of maids wasn't bad. Maids in any household were a tricky thing. Back in the brothel, all the maids reported to Big Auntie so they could never be trusted, no matter how nice they pretended to be. Xiang gui ren assumed that maids at her new home would be the same. There was also the added pressure of sussing out whether or not they would try to climb into The Emperor's bed under her nose.

After a month of being served by her girls, she was glad to say she had nothing to worry about. Xiang gui ren would say and do outlandish things in the privacy of her rooms and not one peep made it to the outside. They didn't even make it across the courtyard to Jiang gui ren.

The three younger girls felt nothing more than the typical reverence that every citizen felt in the presence of The Emperor. They were quick on their feet and silent. They rarely lifted their heads to even glance at the man. Now Jiayi...

Jiayi hated The Emperor.

There was no mistaking it. Jiayi's docile face contorted into something hard and angry when The Emperor came near. When the girl thought no one was looking, the coldness of her gaze sent chills down Xiang gui ren's spine.

At first, it horrified her. How could anyone hate The Emperor? The Emperor wrote her letters every day? The Emperor who had a bad habit of kissing each of her fingertips before they went to sleep? The Emperor with his fondest for puppies? How could Jiayi hate him? She considered tossing Jiayi out and being done with it but the girl was so good at her job and nice to be around. Xiang gui ren's soft heart couldn't chase her away, seeing her as something of a little sister after such a short time.

As she paid more attention, she found that Jiayi was a bit strange all around. She was a well-made girl, but easy to startle. A broken vase in the courtyard sent Jiayi flying to the ceiling once. If Jiayi dosed off during the night, Xiang gui ren would often wake to her, twitching and sweating in her sleep, a pained grimace on her face. It reminded Xiang gui ren of the girls at the brothel who didn't have the luxury to pick their clients.

Fanning herself, Xiang gui ren turned a corner and below a set of steps, sitting under a shady pagoda, were a group of three and their servants. Two girls and a boy, all nobles based on their clothes and hair. The table was covered in paints and parchment, while their servants stood holding plates of snacks and drinks.

"Who's that over there?" She asked.

"That's First and Second princess," said Molan.

"And that boy?"

Jiayi shook her head, "I don't know. I've never seen him before and none of the imperial heirs are that old,"

"First princess is huang gui fei's," said Xiang gui ren after thinking about it, "Who does Second princess belong to?"

"De gui fei, mistress,"

There were piles of used parchment on the table in front of the princesses. Their paint sticks were beaten up and brushes used haphazardly. If Xiang gui ren had to guess, those girls weren't very good at painting and didn't give a damn about it.

Xiang gui ren had an idea.

"I'm falling," she said before pitching herself into a nearby bush.

"Mistress!"

She tangled herself up in the foliage, kicking and yelping until Jiayi and Bolin hauled her upright.

"Mistress, are you alright?"

"How did you fall? Did you hurt yourself?"

"Mistress, you've got dirt all over!"

"I need to sit down," Xiang gui ren wailed, "I'll faint before I get back to my rooms!"

"Okay, we'll go and share the pagoda with the princesses, I'm sure they won't mind," said Molan.

Xiang gui ren nodded her head and wiped at the crocodile tears on her cheeks. She felt a tiny bit guilty seeing the worry on everyone's faces but she had to do what she had to do.

De gui fei would not escape her again!

✺

Jiayi felt like an idiot. She was so busy enjoying the beautiful garden that Xiang gui ren slipped and fell!

"Slowly, slowly," Jiayi murmured as they made their way down the stone steps.

Under the pagoda, First princess and Second princess were watching them come closer.

First princess looked very much like her mother with a thin face and sharp features for a 15-year-old girl. However, she was softened by the light pink and white chengyi and the silver and white waistcoat that she wore. Second princess was a year younger and resembled His Majesty with her prominent nose and full lips. Still, her baby blue changfu and pink and green waistcoat were quite cute.

"First princess, Second princess," Jiayi greeted, "May my mistress rest in your company? She took a fall behind that hill there,"

"Of course Xiang niangniang is welcome," said First Princess.

"I apologize for dropping in on your fun," said Xiang gui ren, "I hope I haven't offended your guest,"

Second princess let out a little huff, "15th uncle has seen much worse on the battlefield. Don't worry about him,"

"My lord," Jiayi greeted with a nod as she lowered Xiang gui ren into her seat.

"I would greet you properly Xiang gui ren but Her Highness is sure that if I stand for more than a moment, I'll turn to dust," said Prince Han.

If Jiayi had to guess she would've assumed that Prince Han had never seen a day of battle in his life. Prince Han had cool, white skin and a sharp noble nose. His phoenix eyes were framed by long lashes and his lips were full and pink. Even sitting he was tall but she couldn't imagine very much muscle under his clothes.

"Royal mother should've locked you in your rooms. Hasn't poor Sang'er been running after you all day?" Asked First princess.

"Sang'er has served me my entire life and followed me to every battlefield. He's had to contend with far worse! Isn't that right?"

Sang'er bowed his head, "This servant thanks you for your concern, but His lordship is right. I spend most of my time keeping him alive,"

At the glare Prince Han sent him, "Ah! This servant is mouthy, I deserve to die," Sang'er said, hiding a smile. He lightly slapped his mouth.

"Hmph!" Prince Han crossed his arms, "Huabao is so cunning. She invited me out here claiming we'd paint and drink cold plum juice, instead, she bullies me with the help of my eunuch! Xiang gui ren, can you believe it?"

"First princess, a bully? Impossible! Huang gui fei would never raise such a child," said Xiang gui ren as she hid a smile behind her handkerchief.

"Hey–"

"Behave Huabao, Xiang niangniang is right here," said Second princess.

"But Huahuan, 15th uncle started it!"

"True, said Second princess, "But when you've been knocked in the head as many times as 15th uncle has, you act a little silly,"

Jiayi and the other servants tried to stifle their giggles.

"Yes, yes, your old uncle has been beaten up many times. I may have a soft melon for a head but at least I can paint thing more than a scribble," said Prince Han, "Xiang gui ren take a look at these paintings,"

Xiang gui ren leaned over to look, "Prince Han I'm sure they're not bad,"

Jiayi snuck a peek as well and frankly, they were worse than Prince Han described. One had absolutely no control of the pigment so the colors were wet, muddy, and running all over. The other had a solid grasp on the pigment but a legible line was nowhere in sight.

"Well, everyone has to start somewhere," said Xiang gui ren.

Prince Han laughed, "They've been trained in the arts the moment they could hold a brush!"

Second princess flopped into her chair, "I'm already so good at embroidery and poetry. Painting is so extra,"

First princess nodded, sliding the painting and brushes to the side. A maid placed a cup of tea and a few small cakes in front of her.

"Meimei is right. We're already good at so many things. If we want a pretty picture, we'll have someone make it for us,"

"Like my Jiayi?" Asked Xiang gui ren.

Jiayi felt her neck pinch as she snapped her head around to gape at Xiang gui ren. Why on earth was her mistress mentioning her out of the blue?

"Who?" Asked First princess.

"Jiayi, my maid," said Xiang gui ren as she tugged Jiayi closer to the table, "She has quite a bit of talent in painting,"

All eyes at the table peered at Jiayi.

"Really?" Asked Second princess.

"Second Princess, my mistress is teasing. I'm no better than the average student," said Jiayi.

"Aiyo, my Jiayi is too modest, ask her to paint anything!" Said Xiang gui ren.

Jiayi kept a face as straight as she could manage. What an awful thing to say! She was pretty bad at backgrounds and mountains! What if they asked for a nature scene or something? Xiang gui ren would lose face in front of The Emperor's precious daughters.

First princess pointed to a bush of purple peonies, "Draw that then,"

"Ah, alright,"

Jiayi took an already-used piece of parchment and flipped it over. She smothered a gasp as she prepared her inks. The princesses had carelessly pushed their ink stinks and brushes to the side like they weren't the most beautiful things Jiayi had ever seen. Jiayi had heard of ink sticks in colors other than black, but she had never seen them in person. Each stick–red, purple, yellow, green, blue–had a rabbit pressed in gold foil on the side. There was a matching iron ink stone with a rabbit's head atop.

She took a good long look at the peonies as she readied her ink. The summer heat had caused the peonies to droop but their petals were wide open to the sky. Each petal was vibrantly purple in the center before fading away to a nearly white color. The deep green of the leaves nearby made for an arresting composition. The brush the princesses allowed her to use was beyond luxurious, she could feel it in the way the bristles glided over the parchment and in the way it soaked up the ink.

Once she had finished the one flower, Jiayi thought the page looked lonely, so she drew a few more. The purple of the petals was too bright, so Jiayi drew a tree trunk in the background to soften the glare. Before she knew it, she had begun to draw a lake as well.

"Wow!" Said Second princess as she ducked under Jiayi's arm to get closer to the painting, "It's so beautiful!"

First princess squeezed in close to get a better look, too.

"Xiang niangniang, your maid is something! I can never get my colors to look like that,"

Jiayi dropped the brush and returned to Xiang gui ren's side, "First princess and Second princess are too kind to this servant," she said.

"15th uncle, look!"

"Truly better than anything you've done," he said.

Second princess stuck her tongue out at him.

"Who was your master?" Asked First princess, "I'll ask Royal Father to send for him to teach us,"

"I had no master, First princess. I practiced this on my own," replied Jiayi.

"That's so amazing," said Second princess.

"I have an idea!" Said First princess, "Xiang niangniang, would you let your maid be our painting teacher?"

Jiayi couldn't believe it, First princess and Second princess were just as crazy as Xiang gui ren.

Second princess nodded, "That's sounds great! Our current teacher is so mean and uptight! All she makes us paint are mountains and rocks!"

"Jiejie can draw animals, too," said Molan.

"And portraits!" Said Ping'er.

Second princess' nursemaid frowned, "Princess, it wouldn't be proper to have a maid teach you. We don't know she's from. The Empress personally chose each master in the Imperial Study for you and First princess. It can't be done,"

Jiayi could've kissed the older woman. Finally, someone with sense.

"Mother believes people should be judged on merits and not titles," said Second princess, "All we have to do is show her how nice Xiang gui ren's maid paints and she'll have no problem with it,"

First princess nodded, "Mother won't have any problems with it either. I'm sure she would rather have a woman who wasn't from the outside teach us, too,"

"Yes," said Xiang gui ren, "If you'd like, I can bring Jiayi to the A Ge Suo* every day for your lessons. De gui fei can supervise!"

First princess and Second princess nodded, bright smiles on their faces.

–––––

"Look! Look!"

An gui ren pretended to eat the half-eaten banana in Huaguang's pudgy little hand. She bit back a sigh. If her little prince had survived his birth he would've been a year old by now. An gui ren liked spending time with the littlest princess in the A Ge Suo. She liked seeing Huaguang's little outfits and shoes. She liked hearing the sounds of the children returning after their days in the Imperial Study. She liked watching Huaguang fall to sleep in her little bed.

She hated the fact that she had to be with Jiang gui ren to do those things. An gui ren wasn't an idiot. She knew that Jiang gui ren looked down on her, almost everyone did. She had felt the taste of favor for the entirety of pregnancy and had been chasing it ever since so she paired up with Jiang gui ren at once. The higher concubines wouldn't spare her a moment. Jiang gui ren almost didn't until An gui ren served her like a maid.

"Shen jiejie is still so furious you know," said Jiang gui ren, "That bitch Xiang gui ren, sliding into His Majesty's bed on their anniversary? How could she stoop so low?"

Jiang gui ren was lounging on Huaguang's bed, snacking on walnuts. She hadn't bothered to say more than a few words to her daughter, spending most of the time ranting and pouting about Xiang gui ren.

"Shen huang gui fei didn't seem to mind," An gui ren replied. Huaguang had finished her banana, so An gui ren took a wet cloth and began wiping her face and hands.

Rolling her eyes, Jian gui ren said, "You really don't know anything Shen jiejie. She won't let this stand. How could she? She wouldn't be His Majesty's Imperial Noble Consort if she did,"

An gui ren fought not to roll her eyes right back. Everyone knew that the only reason His Majesty promoted her to Imperial Noble Consort was that the imperial hospital told him that she was going to die from blood loss after her last miscarriage. When she pulled through after all, His Majesty furiously expelled the entirety of them. He was too embarrassed to revoke the promotion.

"Mistress! Mistress!" Haoyu said as he poked his head inside, "His Majesty is having lunch in Xianfugong's courtyard,"

Jiang gui ren sprung up from the bed. An gui ren stood up as well but the other woman held out a hand.

"No, you stay here, His Majesty hates a crowd. Look after Huaguang for me. Consider it practice,"

An gui ren stared as Jiang gui ren's maids filed out of the room.

"Xu niang,†" An gui ren called Huaguang's nursemaid. When the older woman tried to take the girl, An gui ren stopped her.

"You've worked hard today. I'll be okay to watch Huaguang if you want to take a moment,"

Xu niang's shoulder's slumped in relief, "If it's really not too much trouble–"

"None at all!"

"Ah, alright. Thank you, An gui ren,"

Xu niang nodded and backed away.

"Close the doors behind you," said An gui ren, "I'll try to put Huaguang down for a nap,"

With a nod and a smile, Xu niang did as she was asked. An gui ren rocked Huaguang's sleepy body for a moment before jerking her head towards the door.

Her maid, Weiwei, opened the doors and checked the windows. She nodded at her mistress when she confirmed that they were alone.

"Huaguang," An gui ren whispered, waiting for the child to open her eyes, "Do you remember what I've been telling you about Xiang niangniang?"

Huaguang's eyes snapped open, her body going rigid. The child shook her head frantically.

"You don't? You don't remember that if Xiang niangniang catches you she'll drink your blood and kill your mother? You don't remember? Haven't I told you? Xiang niangniang is a witch! She'll come into your bedroom at night and slit your throat,"

"No! No!" Huaguang burst into tears, twisting in An gui ren's arms.

An gui ren grabbed Huaguang by the jaw and forced her still.

"Yes!" An gui ren hissed, "If Xiang niangniang catches you, she'll tear you to pieces and your Royal Father will let her do it,"

Huaguang cried louder, her face alarmingly red.

"Oh, don't cry, don't cry," An gui ren said, her voice gentle, "Don't cry,"

"An gui ren, is everything alright?" Xu niang rushed back into the room, "I could hear Fifth princess crying from the courtyard,"

"I don't know," said An gui ren, "I told her that she was going to have a nap and she started crying,"

Xu niang took Huaguang in her arms and tsked, "She's been having so much trouble sleeping lately. I don't understand why,"

"Everything's alright, don't cry," the nursemaid soothed.

An gui ren stood up, a perfectly maternal look on her face, "Xu niang, I'll leave you to it,"

"Shall we go and see if His Majesty is still at Xianfugong?" Asked Weiwei.

"No," An gui ren said, "I can only be ignored so much in one day. Let's see how long huang gui fei will pretend to bother with me,"

––––––––––––––––––– *The palace where the princes and princesses lived until they were married was titled this †Nursemaids could also add "niang" to their names. Could also be called momo

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